Day 14

This week has gone by so unbelievably FAST. Wow. Tomorrow is FRIDAY??? So yesterday I got to lead my first session kind of! I'm not technically scheduled to start leading my own groups until August but I was telling the music therapist I'm with this week that I felt ready so she let me come up with an activity and do it with the open adult group. What I did was cut out a bunch of lyrics from random songs so that there were strips of paper with about 2-4 lines of lyrics on them. Then I had them fold a brochure out of construction paper and the left section would have "past" written at the top, the middle would have "present" and the third would have "future." Then they would find pictures from magazines and pick out some song lyrics that would describe each of these things. What happened in the past and why they are here maybe. What they are doing now to change. Then what are some hopes and dreams for the future. I really really enjoyed it and I think it went pretty well! I think I might be leading that group again tomorrow. :) :) :) So today was pretty good. We had group at ICU in the morning and we played paddle drum ball where we literally just hit a ball around with paddle drums. It was actually super fun and most of the patients seemed to enjoy it. There was one kid who was mad and cussing about being moved from the open adult unit but he apologized later so thats good. I felt like I was able to interact a lot more with the patients than I have been. I went to lunch at panera later that day with the music therapist I've been observing. We picked it up and went back to the hospital to eat. It was delicious. Especially compared to the meals I've been eating. Then later that day we did a group with the military unit. I almost cried a couple of times... that group always gets to me somehow. One guy shared a personal testament about his journey at the hospital as his final assignment or something and oh my GOSH. I was trying to hold back tears. I have so much respect for those guys (and 3 girls) haha that group is huge there's always about 30 people. STORY TIME So we were standing outside the military group room waiting for their group to be done so we could start ours. One of my rings falls out of my pocket SOMEHOW... (there's not even a hole in my pocket??) and it starts to roll underneath the curtain thing separating us from the group room. It was rolling and rolling and I was saying "ahhh no no no!" and it goes under the curtain. So one of the guys walked out to give it to me and I was embarrassed. Then a lady comes on the LOUD SPEAKER and says "If anyone lost a ring in the military unit, it's at the front desk." Literally right after I drop the first ring... Then I realize that my OTHER ring was missing out of my pocket!! What the heck?? The music therapist I was with was like "Is that yours too??" Well, I guess it is. So I had to walk down to the front desk to get it. She was cracking up at me. The patient that picked up my first ring was probably like "What the heck why are so many people dropping rings in the military unit...?" Anyways. So when I got home the girl I'm living with left me this long note about keeping the kitchen clean and stuff. I left a couple of dishes in the sink for the FIRST TIME and I just completely forgot about them. I'm glad she told me but it made me feel poopy because I feel like I try SO HARD to keep everything the way she has it and to clean up after myself (which is not in my nature...) and I don't think she realizes how much I try to work around the way she has things. I'm glad I was on the phone with my mom when I saw it so I had someone to vent to. I just feel like this is so hard. I'm living with someone I don't know in a place that doesn't feel like my home at all. I love my room but I still feel like the house is not really "where I live." It's hard and uncomfortable for me to live like this! Even when I was moving in she was saying that I had a lot of stuff and I just feel that she doesn't really realize how much it takes for a person to LIVE somewhere. She didn't leave much room for me to put stuff anywhere and it's not her fault at all it's just a more difficult situation for me I guess. I just keep thinking about that time when I'll be living with a spouse or something and being excited to come home to see them and spend time with them after a long day at a job that I'm comfortable with and really enjoy. I've been trying really hard to suck it up and stick it out. I only have 4 more months. Or 20ish more weeks. I can do this. But sometimes you just have to feel it and accept that "THIS IS HARDDD. Moving to a new place is HARD. Doing an internship in behavioral health is HARD. Living on really limited money is HARD. Being in a place where I don't know anyone/have no friends is HARD." But it's not impossible and it's not unbearable. It's a learning and growing experience and I'm so glad that I am learning that I don't like living with people I don't know. Seriously though, I am thankful SO THANKFUL for this experience and I'm learning so much not only about music therapy and behavioral health but about myself.